A Well Kept Man

I just put our weekend guests on the train yesterday morning so things are quiet once again in our apartment...Alli's cousin Tina and her husband Kevin visited us on the front end of their European trip which gave us an opportunity to catch up with them, as well as see a few things in the area we haven't yet been able to see. On Saturday, we all braved the cool Spring rain to go to a chocolate festival near Geneva in Versoix. Local artisan chocolatiers were handing out samples, as well as showing off their chocolate skills by making various Easter shaped chocolate treats such as eggs and bunnies. If you like chocolate, this was the place to be...we also enjoyed a nice pork sausage and fries lunch under the tent, rode on the the chocolate train, and admired chocolate art. The entire tent smelled of chocolate, which is either bad or good depending on your mood...thankfully we already consumed lunch so it was appropriate for us to sample (our favorite was a lime flavored chocolate that only came in 6-inch bunny size, even though I asked in French for something smaller).

We also drove up to La Gruyère to check out their castle, as well as have lunch at the only open restaurant on Sunday (McDonald's...fountain Coke always tastes sooooooo good). The castle wasn't as spectacular as some of the others we have visited, although at this point of the adventure most of the things we see tend to rank much lower than they should due to Europe fatigue (it's not that we don't think things are cool or unique anymore, it's just that after a while everything starts to look the same...our visitors on the other hand loved the experience...). We drove up into the Pre-Alps to give our guests a sense of how much it has snowed this winter, and then spent the afternoon along the lake visiting a food museum and wishing for the sun to make an appearance. The weekend seemed to pass by quickly, which speaks to the fun we experienced with each other. The last adventure took us back to Lausanne where I surprised everyone with a trip to a zoo in the city with farm animals...none of us really knew what to expect but the highlight was seeing the baby pigs causing all kinds of trouble. I didn't realize pigs could get so hairy (I thought they were dogs from a distance, perhaps you can tell why). Nevertheless, it is always nice to have visitors but sadly our time here is fading and our last few visitors arrive in the middle of next month.

Many of you are aware of the Kombai of Papua New Guinea, many are not. Nevertheless, a few indigenous tribes in largely forested areas of the globe (e.g. the rain forest) such as the Kombai live in the trees to aid in their protection as they are very much primitive by modern societal standards. However, it is thought that very few of these tribes remain today due to the rapid advancement of technology and socialization of these previously isolated tribes. This has led to the virtual annihilation of previously established ways of living across the globe. It would be extremely unlikely to encounter any society like this outside of the remote jungles of the Pacific Rim, and the Rainforests of Central and South America.

Until today...

During a walk I noticed a peculiar site in the trees above Lausanne. At first, my peripheral vision noticed what was instinctively passed off as some type of bird (I am normally ambivalent towards birds as I both enjoy the site of soaring eagles and hawks, but wish to eradicate every pigeon after receiving a "blessing" from one in Venice) but soon proved to be something much more. As I approached, I noticed the density of the flock was much larger than expected, as were the size of the birds...In fact, I quickly established that these were not birds at all, but men! It appears I have discovered a modern, urban tribe of tree dwellers, right here in Lausanne, Switzerland. Surely I will be awarded something by the scientific community for my discovery. I decided to keep my distance for fear of spreading disease or corrupting their primitive way of life, but I was able to snap a few pictures without alerting them to my presence.

I only hope that someday we can study these individuals up close and learn from their peculiar tree grooming habits. They appear to be somewhat advanced in the manufacturing of plastics and the use of ropes and harnesses, truly a marvel. Their survival is obviously dependent on their ability to remain in the trees without falling the tens of feet to their certain doom. As time progresses, it will soon be evident what their purpose here in Lausanne is, as well as how they maintain their lifestyle in spite of the preponderance of societal advancement around them.

Alli and I spent Sunday afternoon at Animalia 2008 (really just a dog show but they also had cats, amphibians, reptiles, fish, and alpacas). I was somewhat hesitant to go due to the anticipated guilt I would feel about not having my dog around. Rather than bring her along (and cause what would most likely result in an airplane cargo-hold panic/heart attack), we begged my family to watch her for a year in exchange for proper treatment of said family in their Golden Years. (Just kidding Dad, I owe you big time!!!!!)

When we arrived at the exposition (it kind of felt like one of those spa sales they have at the state fairgrounds where everything must be sold at factory direct prices) we were greeted to a large pool with a boat that had overturned. I reasoned that this was some sort of ploy to buy a boat that had self-righting capabilities. Upon closer inspection we found a Newfoundland dog jumping into the water and swimming over to "rescue" the helpless victim of shoddy boating skills. I grew up next door to a couple of these dogs and let's just say if a baseball accidentally went over the fence, that's where it stayed (these dogs are HUGE!!). The dog proceeded to grab the victim and pulled him (and the other person who was in serious need of boating instruction) to safety...very cool!

This repeated for about fifteen more minutes with various rescue scenarios, inevitably ending with a heroic rescue by a Newfoundland dog (or in one case, a Golden Retriever that seemed confused when instead of a downed bird or mallard, he found a 130 pound lady. This was actually humorous as then a Newfoundland was sent in to rescue the lady while the Golden just swam back to shore).

We quickly noticed that there were dogs everywhere...of every shape and size. We saw probably the smallest of dog breeds (chihuahuas being pushed in a stroller) to the largest (Mastiffs, and Irish Wolfhounds). Inside the hall were various rings where the breeds were being judged. It was somewhat surreal to see as how often do you walk down the street and see twenty St. Bernard's walking in a row, or beagles for that matter (definitely cool). Unfortunately, the place smelled like a fire hydrant, as the dogs seemed to find every post, corner, and carpet to introduce themselves to later passing dogs. I really felt sorry for the poor schmucks whose job it was to walk around the place with a mop and bucket of lemon scented water to quickly eliminate the eliminations.

As luck would have it we missed the Irish Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier judging (apparently occurring during the dramatic water rescue), so we didn't get to see Hildi's European kin in action. We did however manage to see a couple meandering around after the show. Alli's favorite part was watching the dog obstacle course (you know, the one's where they chase their owners around various jumps, teeter-totters, tunnels, slalom poles etc.). I enjoyed watching the owners. It never ceases to amaze me what some people choose to do with their time. Some of the owners were very athletic, and obviously well versed in the art of dog whispering...others not so much (I'm being polite here, I was going to write about the physical aspects of the owners, but I don't want to embarrass the dogs any more than I already have).

This event was a pleasant surprise, and we definitely decided owning and loving a dog is about the best thing anyone can do (cats are lame, fish don't do tricks, babies become teenagers). We can't wait to see our dog at Christmas-time...in the meantime, I'll be hanging out like the St. Bernard below.

We will probably have a very leisurely morning followed by the last minute wrap of all things Dublin that we missed (Trinity College maybe). This will sadly be our last day in Ireland as our flight leaves at noon back to Geneva. I don't know how long it will take us to get our travel photos and adventures posted, but I will do my best to not hold back for too long. We are again on Aer Lingus and taking the train from Geneva to Lausanne, walking from the train station to our apartment. Alli will probably be excited to sleep in her own bed, but not excited about working the next day. Oh, and it is Alli's birthday today so don't forget to send her an email reminding her that she's still older than me.

It finally stopped raining (after three days, I was beginning to wonder if I would be able to keep my incredible George Hamilton tan going), so I hopped on my bike for a cathartic ride (see map at left for route and elevation). I have yet to take a route north of the city, so I decided today would be a good day for it. The wind was a bit of a nuisance (I saw a barn from Kansas flying by) but I managed. After climbing up through Lausanne, I found myself in beautiful countryside, complete with farms and meadows, a stray cat (he wasn't very interested in my efforts to communicate, as he probably reads my blog on the weekends and thinks I'm a snob) and an airstrip. Being somewhat winded from the climb (both from the change in elevation and the constant force of the wind pressing against my giant upper body), I stopped to watch a young whipper-snapper taking flight lessons.

I figured it would be cool to watch him take off with the instructor out towards Lake Léman and the Alps (I also figured there should be a witness in case something went awry). I truly am fortunate to be able to witness some of the little things in life that so many people miss (farmers plowing their fields, cows grazing, roadside produce stands). I continued my ride and connected with God (He told me it was the Holy Spirit making all the wind) and enjoyed a peaceful ride out in the country. There are some quaint little towns around here and riding through them only helps me to see how awesome this place is and how I feel that next summer will come all too quickly. My ride continued through a small forest with some towering pines and other leafy trees (I'm guessing oak trees by the amount of acorns on the ground), then back through the countryside towards Lausanne.

I am now at the point where I think I could ride just about anywhere (within a 20 mile radius of our apartment) and be ok in terms of stamina. The hills aren't so daunting, and my calf muscles are now the size of a large grapefruit...(tragically the rest of my legs are still toothpick in size so I guess I look like a martini garnish from the waist down). We head off to Ireland next week on Thursday so I have to do some more planning. We are enjoying waking up early to watch Michael Phelps dominate in the pool (another of the simple pleasures), plus it helps me get my day started (which is an added bonus in that Alli doesn't give me grief for sleeping in until 10am).

After being in Switzerland for a while, you find it necessary to establish routines and habits that help keep you sane. Many of these activities and events help remind us that we are still English-speaking Americans and there are some quasi-American things to do thousands of miles away from the mother ship. Last night we decided we would make it a date night and go see a movie after another wonderful dinner prepared by the executive chef (grilled turkey tenderloin salad with pear, and a dijon-balsamic vinaigrette). Let me set the stage.

Across Switzerland throughout the months of July and August a local wireless phone provider is sponsoring outdoor showings of movies at various locations. We are very fortunate to have one of these locations about a twenty minute walk from our apartment. We figured it would be a unique way to see a movie and at the same time provide some well-needed balance in our somewhat Franco-Swiss environment. The movies that have been shown range from the new Batman movie to Indiana Jones 4 and Wall-E. The trick is picking a night when the movie being shown is in English, as most nights the movies are dubbed in French.

Last night the movie was "Get Smart," or for the French speakers out there "Max la Menace" (apparently the French translation of "Get Smart" makes people think their going to a lecture on personal hygiene and existentialism). The forecast for the day was rain but it basically quit raining around two or three and was fairly clear when we made the call at about seven thirty or so to go see the film. Remember this as it will become important later.

The film was set to start at 21h30 (so 9:30pm) so we left the apartment around eight figuring we would get there early to grab a good seat. We had a pleasant walk down to the lake and over to the stadium where we arrived expecting a throng of movie-goers (I mean, it's Monday night, schools out, why wouldn't' there be thousands of English speaking people in a Swiss city trying to sit outside to watch a movie at 9:30?)...sadly, we were probably the 12th and 13th people to get there.

As we approached the ticket booth I wondered in my head if I had enough cash to get us in (they too have cash in Switzerland, but their money is different colors and shapes and I don't recognize any of the dudes). I quickly retrieved my cash storage device (that's French for wallet) and saw that I had 40 CHF which is roughly $37 US (hopefully oil keeps dropping, the dollar keeps strengthening, and I can buy Zurich before we come back to the States). I'm thinking I'm good.

Barely.

A friend of Alli's from Medtronic warned us before we made it over here that everything will take twice as long to do the same thing in America, and will often cost twice as much. We have noticed this in restaurants and in all things bureaucratic as we have lingered at a table for an extra hour sometimes looking for our waiter (note to self, learn how to say "Please bring the check with the food" in French, German, Italian, Spanish, British, and Gaelic). Back to the story....

Now I've been to New York and saw a movie once for $12 and figured there must be some sort of beverage or food included with the ticket (even though there was not...thankfully I had some contraband M&M's in my pocket. Mmmm, warm M&M's). Nevertheless I was prepared for a 10-15 CHF movie ticket. The final total of two tickets to a movie that has been out since June....36 CHF ($33). It's at this point that I am super excited because I figure that the movie will actually be performed live by the cast of "Get Smart" right here in Switzerland (I mean, why else would they need to charge me that much?). I started looking around for the trailers that the pampered Hollywood stars ride in, but all I saw was a rather plump man fishing for perch and some teenage skateboarding punks (skate boarding is not a crime here in Switzerland).

(Another bonus that my darling bride reminded me of...there was a special rate for unemployed people/students/trolls with an extra eye...sadly I didn't know how to prove I had no job so I got suckered into paying full price. I also forgot my extra eye sticker at home so I couldn't get the troll rate either.)

I coolly calmed myself once I realized that yes, I could have produced the film myself for this much money but what fun would that have been and I resigned to myself to enjoy the rest of the evening. We successfully convinced the ticket booth mademoiselle that I spoke and understood perfect French (if you pretend to understand what they are saying, nod your head at appropriately spaced intervals, and say "Merci," you can fool just about anyone). We gave our tickets to the gatekeeper who sputtered off something in French about our tickets (great! I just bought fake movie tickets from an illegal ticket booth and now I'll have to shell out another 36 CHF to get into this movie). I nodded my head politely, said "Merci" and started to walk in (nobody was chasing me, so I guess I fooled her sufficiently), only Alli did not. She sort of stopped and looked really confused, to which she turned back to the gatekeeper and said "What?".

"IMPOSTERS!"

It was at this point the gatekeeper replied back "Do you want a rain poncho for the movie?" (Wow, I can understand French...oh wait, that's English, dang!). Alli of course asks if she thought we would need them, to which the gatekeeper replied that she had no idea, she hoped not, but they were "free" so we might as well take them. Judging by the exceptional Swiss quality of the ponchos I was able to recalculate our ticket price and realize things were getting better. (Movie tickets 35.95 CHF, rain ponchos, 2 for 0.05 CHF...yea, they were awesome.)

So we continued to walk into the movie grounds when Alli again stops, turns around and asks what else she said when we walked in. The gatekeeper (keeping in mind one more question in English will expose us as really bad CIA spies and certainly earn us a one way trip to the Gulag) replies that we can exchange our ticket stub for a free ice cream at the tent by the entrance. WOOHOO, free ice cream that I paid for, yes! (Movie tickets 29.95 CHF, 2 for 0.05 CHF rain ponchos, 2 ice cream cones for 6.00 CHF.)

So we go over to the ice cream counter where the French speaking ice-cream maiden asks which kind of ice cream we would like (in French). The word for chocolate in French is 'chocolat' (pronounced sho ko la) and vanilla is 'vanille' (van nee yer). Alli responds "chocolate" in perfect English and I respond "vanill" in perfect Mark-French. The Swiss-teen doling out the "free" ice cream wasn't impressed and rolled her eyes. Oh well, at least I got some ice cream.

After enjoying our ice cream we decided we should go find our seats as there would certainly be only a few good ones left being that the movie was going to start in 30 minutes. We were surprised to find that only eight of the three hundred or so seats had been claimed (apparently the other four people were still trying to sell their free ice cream tickets for bus fare to get back home...thankfully we walked so this wasn't a problem). After picking the perfect seat in the middle about two-thirds of the way up we sat down to our spectacular view.

We were watching a perfect sunset behind the majestic Alps of France, with the sun's final rays shimmering in perfect pinks, reds, and oranges as the waves of the lake danced below them. The first stars of the evening were beginning to twinkle in the heavens above, and a warm, late summer breeze blew tousling the leaves on the trees surrounding the stadium. At least that's what it would have looked like had it not been cold, overcast, and sprinkling. We did however have a great view of the rain rolling in towards our location. The stadium itself is right on the water, so you could watch the surface of the lake to see where the rain was and how fast it was moving. Utilizing rudimentary math I was able to pinpoint the exact starting time of the rain (Murphy's law) to the start of the movie.

When the movie was set to start hordes of people flocked into the stadium, filling about three-fifths of the stadium (I'm using fractions to help my younger readers out there get ready for school in a couple weeks...). We were then treated to previews. What transpired was fifteen minutes of product advertisements for items I don't want (even if I did, they were advertised in French and I wasn't really sure what to think. For example, one involved a couple eating breakfast in their country home. When the husband poured the orange juice, the sunflowers in the fields outside all turned toward the glass of orange juice making a sound that made me think of troops turning an abrupt right while in formation and clicking their heels upon completion of said turn. I'm pretty sure if I buy that brand of orange juice I will either be abducted by sunflowers or I will want to join the Swiss army where I will then help rid the country of unwanted sunflowers (I've deciphered that sunflowers personify ugly American tourists). In unrelated news enrollment levels in the Swiss Army has never been higher).

After the previews, or advertisements, there were actual movie previews (all in French...which was interesting because I was still laughing even though I couldn't understand what they were saying. Comedy apparently transcends language, either that or it's just funny to hear people speak in French). It was at this point (the end of the previews & ads and the start of the movie) that the rain started. Thankfully we were prepared with our ponchos and umbrella (nobody was behind us so I didn't care if people in Switzerland now carry the impression that all Americans bring umbrellas to movies).

The rain wasn't that bad (it was a light rain mostly) and actually started to let up towards the middle. Before I forget, the movie was subtitled to aid all of the French reading people in the audience. Also, there were subtitles for the German reading people in the audience. This was interesting as we realized that one fourth of the screen was covered in text. After a few minutes we adjusted, until the bad guys in the movie started speaking Russian (all bad guys speak Russian...note to self: Learn Russian, chicks dig bad guys). We were really lost, as we failed to immediately notice that now in addition to German and French, there was also English subtitles.

It was around the half-way point of the movie when they decided to stop the movie for a fifteen minute smoke break. Europeans need to take things slowly while driving, vacationing, walking, etc., (read my previous posts), but they also apparently need time during a movie to stop, reflect, smoke, drink some wine (yes, people were actually bringing back glasses of Pinot Noir from the refreshment stand), and discuss the aspects of the movie. I can see the benefit of this as I am often accosted by my wife during movies, where she prods me for such valuable nuggets as "What's going on?," "I thought he was a bad guy," and "What happened, I was sleeping." (My responses are usually, "Shh! I'll tell you later," "Ugh, he was but now he isn't, I'll explain later," and "then go to bed and watch it tomorrow." The last one only works for DVDs because I can't afford to take her to more than one movie per month.)

Of course the rain has stopped for the intermission (seriously, do we need an intermission for a mindless Mel Brooks type comedy that is only 1 hour and 45 minutes long...) only to resume immediately upon everyone taking off their ponchos and putting away their umbrellas, and the resuming of the movie. At about the hour and a half mark there was a crucial scene where the rain started to come down pretty hard. For those that have been camping in the rain you are aware of the noise that rain can cause on the tent (or umbrella for that matter); needless to say I have no clue what the actors were saying for about five minutes. I hope it wasn't too important.

The movie ended, I clapped (well, not really...I didn't want to look like a complete buffoon), and the skies cleared. We walked home without getting wet at all (seriously, the rain stopped). So to recap, a movie that was just shy of two hours took us four hours to see, and cost about twice as much as I expected. It rained during the movie, and we were exposed as bumbling Americans who can't speak much French. I'd say it was a pretty good Date Night! (The movie was pretty funny too...)

(Editor's note: Each of the pictures below can be clicked to see a normal size version of the photo...I do not recommend clicking on the chambermaid picture as it may cause nightmares. In the interest of conserving space and reducing global warming, I use smaller pics in the blog below. Thank you for supporting me in caring for the environment!)

Let's begin by welcoming you to beautiful Lausanne, Switzerland (we are on the Central European time zone and we observe Daylight Savings Time...we are +1 from GMT. We realize you have a choice when traveling and we would like to thank you for choosing Mark and Alli in Switzerland as part of your vacation). Did you have a nice trip? I hope the airport connections weren't too much of a hassle for you (I know the airport in Paris is under construction, but it beats flying through Amsterdam)...yes, we'll get to the chocolate factory tour soon, but first, let me take you on a tour of our apartment.

First, let me find a parking spot since we don't have a space in the garage. Yeah, for some reason we have to park outside but it beats parking outside in Minnesota. Ooh, there's a spot right in front where that old man is trying to get away. I'll let him move before I park there so he doesn't get too worried about me accidently hitting his Renault.

That's our apartment, the pinkish-hued one on the left. What's that you say, what's across the street? Oh, that's one of three community pools. It is very nice, it has an Olympic sized pool for lap swimming, tennis courts, a kiddie pool, and a normal pool for the kiddos to jump off the high dive. The noise isn't bad at all. In fact, it closes around 7 and in the winter is turned into a skating rink so we actually haven't even noticed it at all. It's also great because all of the cars are gone by the evening and since we aren't a major road it stays pretty quiet at night.

Well, here's the grand entrance...très chic! Hang on, let me check my mail. We don't get much but sometimes there is a letter or newspaper. Nope, nothing. Ok, now I have to open the second door with my universal key (it opens everything, the mailbox, the lobby doors, my apartment door, the laundry room, the storage room...). The ways these doors open it reminds me of either a cheesy ride at Disney World in Tomorrowland or the Starship Enterprise bridge. Sulu, set coordinates for 2nd floor, my apartment!

Shall we take the stairs or the lift (that's British for the elevator)? I'm guessing the lift since you have those heavy suitcases. I sure hope you brought me some fun American treats (shameless plug). Oh yeah, in case you are riding the elevator alone, R means the Ground Floor (not sure what R stands for but I think it means "Return to the Ground Floor" but they didn't have enough room to write the whole thing), we are on 2 (which is really the third floor), and -1 takes you to the basement where the laundry room and garage are located. You can also hit the door close button and the door will close without any delay (unlike in America where you have to wait the standard 5-10 seconds to make sure the doors with the automatic sensors don't attack you while trying to enter). Now I haven't tried the door open button yet so I don't know what it does...

Ah yes, here we are, second floor (third). We just over there to the right at the top of the stairs. The button on the bottom is to turn the lights in the hallway on, which is handy as they automatically shut off after a few minutes to save electricity. The button on top is our doorbell. You'll also notice a floor mat outside the door, it is there to prevent mad cow disease from being transmitted across the threshold. Allow me to open the door (you're going to have to move your giant suitcase that appears to be leaking...did you pack ice? You know, we do have ice here it's just not well advertised. You have to ask politely and you will get a cube or two).

Well, this is the grand foyer! As you can see it's quite spacious. Feel free to hang your coat right there and I'll show you around. You can leave your bag there for now, I'll have the timid chambermaid carry it to your quarters (please note that I am also the chambermaid despite the hairdo...so pretend you have to wait thirty seconds while I move your bag to the other room...look Alli, a boy multitasking!)

Welcome to our lovely kitchen. It was handcrafted with the finest European appliances, dinnerware, utensils, pottery, and tile from IKEA-taly. I'll admit it's nice having a refrigerator that is disguised as cabinet, only it's rough if you haven't had your morning bowl of ice cream and you can't remember which cabinet you need to open to get to the spoon, and which one holds my breakfast gelato. We have a lovely table in the kitchen with seating for four, although this can be increased to six if you happen to bring your man-servant and imaginary friend along.

As you can see we have a nice living room. The couch and chairs are comfy, unfortunately we don't have a pullout sofa or we'd have sleeping (comfortable anyway, there is plenty of floor space and we have ample sleeping bags) for more than four, although shorter people may sleep comfortably on the couch (I've only napped there a few dozen times this past week but I think I cleaned up most of the drool and chips that missed my mouth). We have two lovely terraces which open up off the living room/dining room/kitchen/bedrooms. The east facing terrace is great for summer barbecuing and social gatherings with our esteemed guests (such as yourselves). I'm glad you came, while the weather is ____________ (choose one: perfect, horrible) for sitting outside, we have much to see yet so you can come back later to ___________ (choose one: enjoy the terrace, turn into a Swiss popsicle). The north terrace is really just for sneaking out in the middle of the night and banging on the door of the person sleeping in the room next to you...I suppose we could put some chairs or something out there.

Yes, the fireplace works. It is very lovely this time of year, especially when we are looking for a little ambiance (actually, Switzerland has enough...let's move on). This is where the magic happens. (not that kind of magic...geesh) As you can see it isn't much but it serves it's purpose (I really only blog for about an hour and the rest of the time I search for internet recipes, baseball/football scores and stats, political news, and activities to do on the weekend with Alli (she should be home around 6 or 7...depending on whether or not she remembered you said dinner would be ready at 6). It also serves as our French teacher, but I often find it is better suited for games of Spider Solitaire and Minesweeper.

Oh, I almost forgot...there's a powder room across the way (across the way is French for two steps from where you are currently standing; this can also be used to describe the trek from the living room to the kitchen or bedroom or to the front door...it's not a large place). That room is for use whenever the more expansive chamber is occupied. Speaking of, this is the main bathroom. A little quirk about both bathrooms is that if you turn the fan on (usually racy jokes about wind tunnels do the trick), it doesn't activate immediately. It waits a bit before deciding to oblige (the same as when you turn it off...it takes a while to get the hint). I think this is due to the electricity takes longer to get here from America. Another thing, the toilets here are a bit different. They flush differently (and I'm not referring to the ones that spray up). See that giant plastic thing on the wall there, that's the lever to flush. I understand that Europeans have trouble activating the smaller American type toilet levers due to the amount of wine consumed while brushing their teeth (they don't use Evian to brush their teeth contrary to rumors on the internet). As a result, they invented fool proof flushing levers on the wall. If you wish to quit the flush (perhaps you are still sitting there or you just weren't ready), simply press stop at any time to exit the ride. A docent will guide you away from the toilet and to the nearest exit.

Outside the main bathroom is our room. If you see the room a-rockin', please let us know as there is most likely an earthquake or the apartment is about to collapse and we would like to be the first out (bloggers first, women and children second...somebody has to write about what happened). Immediately next to our room is the room where you will be staying. For an extra fee we can ensure you have clean sheets and towels upon your arrival.

You will also notice the lovely blinds located outside the doors. These can be controlled from inside and offer you the privacy of a inside blinds without the messy cleaning (we just wait til it rains). All of the rooms have their own doors that double as windows as they must have received a buy one get four free deal at the lumberyard. When closed, you will be amazed at the lack of outside noise and airflow in summer. We tend to keep them open at night. It is a safe neighborhood with only minor problems such as speaking a little too loud after 10pm (that's right crazy French speaking people, I'm talking to you!).

That concludes our tour and being that this tour was provided by an unpaid volunteer, please feel free to tip him as you leave so he can get a normal haircut.