A Well Kept Man

Please examine the following receipt.


Done? Good. Now do the math conversion to get it into your base currency (1 CHF = $0.83 USD, $1 USD = 3.67 UAE dirhams). Done? Good. Some of you may think, wow, we are pretentious, snobby food aficionados so we must have partaken in the most extravagant Thanksgiving feast ever. You would be incorrect. I would like to now show you in picture form (complete with snarky play-by-play) what we consumed on Thanksgiving in Switzerland (note: all pictures of alcohol have been removed to make this posting suitable for those under the legal drinking age in their jurisdiction...or because I forgot to take pictures of them). Now please examine the photos below to judge how well we spent our money (and by our money I mean Alli's).

As you can see, we were treated to a lovely cup of New England clam chowder. With subtle hints of tarragon and creamy undernotes, the six spoonfuls surely stoked my tastebuds for what would surely be a momentus Thanksgiving feast. We knew we were in for a treat when the bowl of oyster crackers was placed on the table, as we were told these came from Target (that's right, The Target in Minneapolis). As soon as we had finished this first course of what appeared to be only one of potentially fifty, I eagerly awaited the next plate. Would it be a round of foie gras paté, or perhaps a lovely plate of white truffle risotto? Unfortunately this guessing game went on for about ten minutes as we waited and waited for the next plate.


For the facilitation of describing the plate, I will start at 12 o'clock. Please note the ample white space on the plate, this was apparently intentional as the food is not allowed to touch for fear of cross-contaminating flavors. (Editor's note: Did anybody in America's plate look like this on Thanksgiving? No? That's what I thought. In my mind, Thanksgiving is all about how much you can cram on a plate at a time, because once that stomach fills up, you may have trouble getting up from the table without popping a button off your Levi's Snug Fit Jeans into Aunt Ruthie's eye...) Back to the plate, at 12 o'clock you seen a spoonful of a dark mass. After spending five minutes debating what it could possibly be, I opted to break the stalemate and taste it. It turned out to be "stuffing." (Yea, the stuffing that comes in a pig while it's still living, also known as sausage.) It had a very subtle spice flavor to it, with the consistency of dry grits. This was voted least favorite of everything (it won by a landslide).

The item at 2 o'clock is pretty much self evident, corn-on-the-third-of-a-cob. I am convinced corn is the most expensive commodity here in Switzerland. At the grocery store corn averages about 2 CHF per ear, which I guess is why all the cows eat grass (Kobe beef they are not!!). The corn was boiled (way too long) and then seared over a hot grill (bad idea). It tasted like they made it yesterday, forgot about it in the pot, remembered it and figured grilling it would fix it. Oh well. 3 o'clock to 4 o'clock was the cranberry dish. Served bubbling hot, it actually was fairly tasty. My kudos to the chef for balancing the tartness of the cranberries with the sweetness of sugar...or whatever.

The starring attraction is featured at 6 o'clock (and meandering between 5 and 8-ish). The turkey was very moist, and extremely flavorful. Obviously this guy has roasted a bird or two. No real complaints here except for the funny presentation (which you can't really see. Each person's turkey was topped with a piece of turkey skin, I guess to prevent it from drying out though since the turkey was neither deep-fried nor grilled, nobody decided it was worth the extra 736 calories). Finally taking us home at 9 o'clock is exactly one third of one carrot sliced bilaterally (in half, top to bottom...I think, I just wanted to use the word "bilaterally"). Main course done.



The dessert was eagerly anticipated, but quickly dissapointed. This pie was definitely pumpkin flavored, but seemed more like eating a dense sponge soaked in pumpkin essence baked in a flaky pie crust (that somebody burnt). The toasted almonds were a nice touch to compliment the super tasty cinnamony-almond ice cream. Feeling charitable I gave the chocolate straw to my wife (I figured I should help assuage the feelings of her Thanksgiving didn't live up to expectations).

So finally tally, five glasses of wine between the two of us, two cups of soup, two plates of food, and two desserts. That works out to roughly 15 CHF per glass of wine, 10 CHF per cup of soup, 65 CHF for the main course (8 CHF scoop of sausage, 10 CHF corn coblet, 5 CHF ladle of cranberry, 30 CHF for 4 oz of turkey with gravy (skin garnish 2 CHF), & 10 CHF piece of carrot)and 35 CHF per piece of pie.

At the end of the day, I will say that we are thankful that we had a nice meal to eat (considering many have much less than us) and shared some great company. Next Thanksgiving, I am sure we will go overboard just to make up for this year. Enjoy your Christmas shopping America...I'm off to find something to eat (I can't figure out why I'm still hungry).

My first night in Normandy, I decided to try some of the local cuisine as I have read much about it. Normandy is known for three things, Calvados, Cider, and Camembert cheese. I sat down in the restaurant and decided to opt for the Cider, because I wasn't in the mood for a French beer (I have never really heard of French beer, so you can imagine why I would opt for the cider instead).

I told the waiter I would like the Cider, and he asked if I wanted the big or small. When I am asked about a big or small beer at restaurants, the large is usually a pint and the small is usually about 10-12 ounces, so I figured the big cider would be fine. When he brought it to my table I was a bit uncertain what I just got myself into, as it was 75 dl (that's right, the size of a wine bottle). Thankfully the alcohol by volume was only 5%, so in reality 3.75 dl out of 75 dl of alcohol. It was super tasty, like the sweetest apple juice I have ever had, with fizz. I'd bring it home to share with all of you but it is probably listed as a banned substance by the TSA (that's my excuse anyway so I can keep it all to myself).

For the first course, I had an onion terrine. What is a terrine? It's basically a cold meatloaf as Julia Child would say. Alli wouldn't have let me order this had she been there, but she wasn't...so I did. It was amazing! I am guessing on the type of meat, but I imagine it was probably swine (possibly wild).

For the second course, I had a lapin stewed with carrots, onions, and finished with a lovely sauce. This was accompanied by a mound of fries. What is lapin? You might see one in your garden munching on your tulips or lilies, or lettuce if you have a vegetable garden. They like to hop. And they are delicious!

For the final course, I had a tart tatin. What is tart tatin? Only the most amazing apple dessert I have ever attacked (except of course for my wife's baking, that is much better). It came with some maple syrup drizzled over the top, and was warm enough to melt the scoop of cinnamon ice cream.

After all was said and done, I managed to go through three courses, plus 75 dl of fermented apple cider, and still manage to make it back to my B&B without causing an international incident. Every once in a while it makes sense to eat what the locals eat, and this time was no exception.

In the past I have lamented about the selection of meat (loads of pork, not so much beef) as well as the prices (20 bucks for a couple chicken breasts? 40 bucks for a steak? It's not even cooked!). Today, while picking up groceries for dinner on this wonderful Autumn evening (Fall has started here, not sure about the States, but it is cool, crisp, and beautiful!!!) I noticed something different on my grocer's shelves...

Having gone to the grocery store nearly every day since I've been here (I know, how European...shopping for the day and not much more), I can distinguish what is in the cooler without having to get too close (I don't want to get frostbite). A yellow package indicates poultry (sometimes lapin, which Alli won't let me purchase), white packages contain pork, poisson are in blue packages (how appropriate), while a red package is usually beef (sometimes cheval, or agneau...look them up, I'm trying to protect the innocence of my younger viewers). Today something caught my eye, so I went to investigate.

A black package. What could this wonderful new package contain might you ask? Exotic meat, that's what! One package simply labeled "cerf", so I just had to buy it as it was much cheaper than beef but similar in appearance, except leaner (here's a clue...it has antlers and also is the last name of a popular green brand of tractors). Thankfully they put playful little pictures on the package in case your vocabulary isn't extensive enough to make an in-store dinner decision. I also picked up a second package, this one was labeled "austruch" (it's the creature that likes to stick its head in the sand). There was a third, which I didn't get labeled "chevreuil" (I figured it was too close to cheval and didn't want to take a chance, turns out I would have been ok as it's just a different ethnicity of cerf). I will be cooking the austruch for dinner tonight along with some mushroom gnocchi, the cerf will have to wait until Alli is not here (I think she's ok with eating it, but since she's leaving me for a week I figured I could eat something fun that wouldn't cause a ruckus in the house if she didn't).

I guess I am amused mostly by the fact that the only way you can acquire such meat in the States is either through a specialty butcher, mail order catalog for outdoor enthusiasts, or utilizing a firearm (well, maybe not so much the flightless bird). In Europe, these things are normal and don't cause the locals to giggle when they look at the package and instead of dinner think Bambi or Thumper. Hopefully I will be cultured enough to someday sit at the big kid's table, but for now I will enjoy my culinary expedition with fervor.

UPDATE - Alli liked the austruch, the gnocchi wasn't as exciting. More austruch for everyone!!!!