A Well Kept Man

Please examine the following receipt.


Done? Good. Now do the math conversion to get it into your base currency (1 CHF = $0.83 USD, $1 USD = 3.67 UAE dirhams). Done? Good. Some of you may think, wow, we are pretentious, snobby food aficionados so we must have partaken in the most extravagant Thanksgiving feast ever. You would be incorrect. I would like to now show you in picture form (complete with snarky play-by-play) what we consumed on Thanksgiving in Switzerland (note: all pictures of alcohol have been removed to make this posting suitable for those under the legal drinking age in their jurisdiction...or because I forgot to take pictures of them). Now please examine the photos below to judge how well we spent our money (and by our money I mean Alli's).

As you can see, we were treated to a lovely cup of New England clam chowder. With subtle hints of tarragon and creamy undernotes, the six spoonfuls surely stoked my tastebuds for what would surely be a momentus Thanksgiving feast. We knew we were in for a treat when the bowl of oyster crackers was placed on the table, as we were told these came from Target (that's right, The Target in Minneapolis). As soon as we had finished this first course of what appeared to be only one of potentially fifty, I eagerly awaited the next plate. Would it be a round of foie gras paté, or perhaps a lovely plate of white truffle risotto? Unfortunately this guessing game went on for about ten minutes as we waited and waited for the next plate.


For the facilitation of describing the plate, I will start at 12 o'clock. Please note the ample white space on the plate, this was apparently intentional as the food is not allowed to touch for fear of cross-contaminating flavors. (Editor's note: Did anybody in America's plate look like this on Thanksgiving? No? That's what I thought. In my mind, Thanksgiving is all about how much you can cram on a plate at a time, because once that stomach fills up, you may have trouble getting up from the table without popping a button off your Levi's Snug Fit Jeans into Aunt Ruthie's eye...) Back to the plate, at 12 o'clock you seen a spoonful of a dark mass. After spending five minutes debating what it could possibly be, I opted to break the stalemate and taste it. It turned out to be "stuffing." (Yea, the stuffing that comes in a pig while it's still living, also known as sausage.) It had a very subtle spice flavor to it, with the consistency of dry grits. This was voted least favorite of everything (it won by a landslide).

The item at 2 o'clock is pretty much self evident, corn-on-the-third-of-a-cob. I am convinced corn is the most expensive commodity here in Switzerland. At the grocery store corn averages about 2 CHF per ear, which I guess is why all the cows eat grass (Kobe beef they are not!!). The corn was boiled (way too long) and then seared over a hot grill (bad idea). It tasted like they made it yesterday, forgot about it in the pot, remembered it and figured grilling it would fix it. Oh well. 3 o'clock to 4 o'clock was the cranberry dish. Served bubbling hot, it actually was fairly tasty. My kudos to the chef for balancing the tartness of the cranberries with the sweetness of sugar...or whatever.

The starring attraction is featured at 6 o'clock (and meandering between 5 and 8-ish). The turkey was very moist, and extremely flavorful. Obviously this guy has roasted a bird or two. No real complaints here except for the funny presentation (which you can't really see. Each person's turkey was topped with a piece of turkey skin, I guess to prevent it from drying out though since the turkey was neither deep-fried nor grilled, nobody decided it was worth the extra 736 calories). Finally taking us home at 9 o'clock is exactly one third of one carrot sliced bilaterally (in half, top to bottom...I think, I just wanted to use the word "bilaterally"). Main course done.



The dessert was eagerly anticipated, but quickly dissapointed. This pie was definitely pumpkin flavored, but seemed more like eating a dense sponge soaked in pumpkin essence baked in a flaky pie crust (that somebody burnt). The toasted almonds were a nice touch to compliment the super tasty cinnamony-almond ice cream. Feeling charitable I gave the chocolate straw to my wife (I figured I should help assuage the feelings of her Thanksgiving didn't live up to expectations).

So finally tally, five glasses of wine between the two of us, two cups of soup, two plates of food, and two desserts. That works out to roughly 15 CHF per glass of wine, 10 CHF per cup of soup, 65 CHF for the main course (8 CHF scoop of sausage, 10 CHF corn coblet, 5 CHF ladle of cranberry, 30 CHF for 4 oz of turkey with gravy (skin garnish 2 CHF), & 10 CHF piece of carrot)and 35 CHF per piece of pie.

At the end of the day, I will say that we are thankful that we had a nice meal to eat (considering many have much less than us) and shared some great company. Next Thanksgiving, I am sure we will go overboard just to make up for this year. Enjoy your Christmas shopping America...I'm off to find something to eat (I can't figure out why I'm still hungry).

Tonight, we will join a multitude of displaced Americans at a local Pizzeria to celebrate Thanksgiving. I am not quite sure what to expect other than the absence of our family and friends. I have been informed that it will contain turkey and all of the trimmings, but I will bring my camera just in case to document any unfortunate misunderstandings of the types of food which are acceptable at the Thanksgiving table. I don't hold high hopes for pumpkin pie, apple pie, or any other kind of pie (pie doesn't seem to be a favorite of Europe), nor do I expect to see the standard canned cranberry which so easily slides out of the can and onto a plate for slicing (this, Alli will be thankful for...me, not so much).

Regardless of the meal I have much to be thankful for this year. Although I wish I could see all of our families and friends to share this holiday in person, I am thankful that we are able to celebrate this holiday with you if only in spirit. I am thankful I won't be subject to watching the Lions lose for the sixth Thanksgiving in a row, and I am thankful for not having to arbitrate who has to wash the dishes after dinner (I say, if you cooked anything you are off dish duty...this includes opening the can of cranberry and putting it on a plate). I am also thankful for the internet as I won't have to wake up at 4 am to go wrestle the last Nintendo Wii away from some kid on crutches (you know who you are Timmy), and instead can do my shopping online from the comfort of my couch (actually, everyone is getting Swiss chocolate and pocket knives, I got a good deal from a cow in the Alps).

I am thankful for a supportive wife who has blessed me with the opportunity to refocus on what is important in my life, and giving me the chance to travel to places I've never imagined. I am thankful for ice cubes, affordable cuts of meat, college football (not soccer!), Costco, friends that speak English, Lutherans, my dog, and the ability to communicate electronically or over the phone with our family back home. I am thankful we are in a neutral country that doesn't appear to be the target of hostility towards Americans (aside from the contempt of not speaking perfect French), as well as for the knowledge that the U.S.A. is the best place on Earth to live!

In all seriousness, I am thankful for my wife, my family, my friends, as well as the great fortune I've had in life. I have been able to experience so much and yet there is so much more to see and do. I pray that God will continue to bless me and my family (and friends) with His love, and that those who don't know this love will feel it someday. I am thankful for all of the gifts I have been given, and I am thankful that I have been able to share some of this experience in Switzerland with all of you out there on the internet.

So when you are loosening your belt a couple notches later today, and after you've woken up from your deep fried turkey with gravy, stuffing, cranberry, bean casserole, yam, pumpkin pie, Diet Coke (I am aware of the irony) coma; think of the two lonely Americans sitting in a Pizzeria in Switzerland and be thankful you don't have to try and describe to a waiter in French that you would like plain tap water, not the pricey bottled water, but you don't want to have to keep asking for refills (and would it kill them to put more than two ice cubes in the glass)...and give thanks!